Uzun zamand\u0131r haz\u0131rl\u0131yordu kendini bu sonuca.
\nBiliyordu, s\u00f6ylenebilecek her s\u00f6ze al\u0131\u015ft\u0131rm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 kendini.Verece\u011fi cevaplara, tepkiye de\u2026
\n \u00dc\u00e7 y\u0131ld\u0131r s\u00fcr\u00fcyordu.Ara s\u0131ra iyi bazen k\u00f6t\u00fc.Geneli ho\u015f, tatl\u0131 an\u0131larla doluydu. Hat\u0131rlad\u0131k\u00e7a g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u00fcyordu, g\u00f6zleri dolu dolu olmas\u0131na ra\u011fmen. Kaybetmekten korkuyordu onu.S\u00f6ylemek istediklerini s\u00f6ylese, sar\u0131lsa ona\u2026 Ya istenilmezse ya itilirse kuytu bir k\u00f6\u015feye ? Kim verirdi \u00e7ekece\u011fi ac\u0131lar\u0131n hesab\u0131n\u0131, kim hissettirirdi ya\u015faman\u0131n tad\u0131n\u0131 ona.
\n Ayr\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir kez tatt\u0131ktan sonra ka\u00e7 g\u00fcn ya\u015fayabilirdi bu vefas\u0131z \u015fehirde, ka\u00e7 kez\u2026 Zorluklara g\u00f6\u011f\u00fcs gerebilir miydi yan\u0131nda deste\u011fi olmad\u0131k\u00e7a, hayata ba\u011flanmas\u0131n\u0131 sa\u011flayacak tek ba\u011f\u0131 da koptukdan sonra..
\nBir kez daha \u00fczerini d\u00fczeltti.Aynaya bakmaya korkuyordu,t\u00fcm cesaretini toplam\u0131\u015fken yine yitiriyordu.Heceliyordu s\u00f6zlerini a\u011fz\u0131nda, usul usul geveliyordu s\u00f6yleyeceklerini.\u201cSakin ol.Ters bir \u015fey olmayacak.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tam rahatlad\u0131\u011f\u0131na inan\u0131yor, akl\u0131na k\u00f6t\u00fc d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceler gelmeye ba\u015flay\u0131nca yeniden tela\u015flan\u0131yordu. En \u00f6enmli g\u00fcn\u00fcyd\u00fc belki de onun i\u00e7in.T\u00fcm ya\u015fam\u0131 buna ba\u011fl\u0131yd\u0131.Bir tek kelime y\u00f6n verecekti ona.Kalmas\u0131na ya da \u00e7ekip gitmesine\u2026 Korkuyordu ama gitmekten de\u011fil, ayr\u0131lmaktan\u2026G\u00f6zlerini sildi.Son bir kez, son bir kez aynaya bak\u0131p g\u00fcl\u00fcmsedi.Yapabilirdi, ba\u015faracakt\u0131! \u0130nanc\u0131 vard\u0131, her \u015feyden \u00f6te bir inan\u00e7.
\n Sonunda y\u00fcr\u00fcyordu.Ayaklar\u0131n\u0131n, ellerinin titredi\u011finin fark\u0131na varam\u0131yordu.Amac\u0131 u\u011fruna kendinden ge\u00e7mi\u015fcesine, etraf\u0131na bakmadan y\u00fcr\u00fcyordu.Bir eziklik \u00e7\u00f6km\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc \u00fczerine.G\u00f6zlerini karart\u0131yordu.Ba\u015faracakt\u0131, biliyordu. Vard\u0131 gidece\u011fi yere.Etraf\u0131 s\u00fczd\u00fc sessizce.Korkusunu derinlere g\u00f6md\u00fc. Nas\u0131l demeliydi, ne demeliydi? Nas\u0131l bakmal\u0131, nas\u0131l g\u00fclmeliydi\u2026 Allak bullakt\u0131.\u0130yi de\u011fildi.Halsizle\u015fiyordu. T\u00fckenmi\u015fti t\u00fcm g\u00fcc\u00fc. Ve O geliyordu. Kalbi h\u0131zla \u00e7arp\u0131yor, endi\u015feleri art\u0131yordu.
\n Elleri terlemi\u015f, a\u011f\u0131z\u0131 kurumu\u015ftu.Sesini kimse duymuyormu\u015f gibiydi.Hayk\u0131r\u0131yordu.Duyulmak istiyordu. Hi\u00e7 hareket edemedi. Bir ad\u0131m att\u0131.Uzatt\u0131 ellerini. Ya can\u0131n\u0131 verecekti ya da… ya da\u2026<\/p>\n
Sonunda dudaklar\u0131n\u0131 aralayabilmi\u015fti.Bir s\u00f6z s\u00f6yleyecekti.Tek bir s\u00f6z.
\nYak\u0131nla\u015ft\u0131.Ate\u015fe girmi\u015fcesine yan\u0131yordu.G\u00f6zler, g\u00f6remezdi k\u0131vran\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131.Ka\u00e7 kez gelebilir ki bir insan\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131na bu.Yumdu g\u00f6zlerini.S\u0131ms\u0131k\u0131 yumdu\u2026 Sakinle\u015fiyordu.Kalbi h\u0131zl\u0131 h\u0131zl\u0131 atsa da o hakimdi kendine.D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerini toparlad\u0131.Bir ad\u0131m, bir ad\u0131m daha\u2026 Ve sonunda s\u00f6ylemi\u015fti
\n— Benimle, benimle evlenir misin ? <\/p>\n
Art\u0131k kurumayacakt\u0131 dudaklar\u0131,art\u0131k kalbi sadece o istedi\u011finde h\u0131zl\u0131 atacakt\u0131.Onun yan\u0131nda her an olacak, sarmalay\u0131p sa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131n kokusunu duyabilecekti\u2026Yerleri cennetin en \u00fcst mertebesiydi.Asla inmeyeceklerdi yere\u2026Asla mutlu olman\u0131n, a\u015fk\u0131n d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda bir duyguyu tatt\u0131rmayacaklard\u0131 birbirilerine\u2026 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Uzun zamand\u0131r haz\u0131rl\u0131yordu kendini bu sonuca. Biliyordu, s\u00f6ylenebilecek her s\u00f6ze al\u0131\u015ft\u0131rm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 kendini.Verece\u011fi cevaplara, tepkiye de\u2026 \u00dc\u00e7 y\u0131ld\u0131r s\u00fcr\u00fcyordu.Ara s\u0131ra iyi bazen k\u00f6t\u00fc.Geneli ho\u015f, tatl\u0131 an\u0131larla doluydu. Hat\u0131rlad\u0131k\u00e7a g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u00fcyordu, g\u00f6zleri dolu dolu olmas\u0131na ra\u011fmen. Kaybetmekten korkuyordu onu.S\u00f6ylemek istediklerini s\u00f6ylese, sar\u0131lsa ona\u2026 Ya istenilmezse ya itilirse kuytu bir k\u00f6\u015feye ? Kim verirdi \u00e7ekece\u011fi ac\u0131lar\u0131n hesab\u0131n\u0131, kim hissettirirdi […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-38","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-melek"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/saHHlZ-38","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":43,"url":"https:\/\/www.gocmeniz.biz\/?p=43","url_meta":{"origin":38,"position":0},"title":"Bir \u00c7ocu\u011fun G\u00f6z\u00fcnde \u201cG\u00f6\u00e7\u201d","author":"Melek","date":"04 Nisan 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Bir \u00c7ocu\u011fun G\u00f6z\u00fcnde \u201cG\u00f6\u00e7\u201d G\u00f6\u00e7 denemezdi ya\u015fad\u0131klar\u0131na.Bir zorbal\u0131k, gasp edili\u015fiydi ailesinden. Ka\u00e7 ki\u015fi evinden, yaz\u0131n getirdi\u011fi s\u0131cak yata\u011f\u0131ndan, ana kuca\u011f\u0131ndan onu gecenin bir yar\u0131s\u0131 \u201cGiyin, Varna\u2019ya gezme gideez\u201d* diye kald\u0131rabilirdi\u2026 9 ya\u015f\u0131ndayd\u0131.Bir \u00e7ok \u015feyi kavrayabilirdi, akl\u0131 el verdik\u00e7e\u2026 3 ya\u015f\u0131nda annesi ve babas\u0131 zorla, belki biraz da arzuyla vatan bildikleri\u2026","rel":"","context":""MELEK" i\u00e7inde","block_context":{"text":"MELEK","link":"https:\/\/www.gocmeniz.biz\/?cat=16"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":63,"url":"https:\/\/www.gocmeniz.biz\/?p=63","url_meta":{"origin":38,"position":1},"title":"(BH) Bu ilkelli\u011fe bir son verin !","author":"Admin","date":"28 Nisan 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Kap\u0131kule\u2019den T\u00fcrkiye\u2019ye gelen ara\u00e7lar\u0131n muayeneleri yap\u0131l\u0131yor. Ka\u015far peyniri, gofret, sosis gibi maddeler, ara\u00e7lardan yere at\u0131ld\u0131ktan sonra, bizzat sahiplerine ta\u015f\u0131t\u0131larak, yandaki yanmakta olan \u00e7\u00f6p konteyn\u0131r\u0131na att\u0131r\u0131l\u0131yor. BU \u0130LKELL\u0130\u011eE B\u0130R SON VER\u0130N! Kap\u0131kule\u2019den T\u00fcrkiye\u2019ye gelen ara\u00e7lar\u0131n muayeneleri yap\u0131l\u0131yor.Ka\u015far peyniri, gofret, sosis gibi maddeler, ara\u00e7lardan yere at\u0131ld\u0131ktan sonra, bizzat sahiplerine ta\u015f\u0131t\u0131larak, yandaki yanmakta\u2026","rel":"","context":""Haberler" i\u00e7inde","block_context":{"text":"Haberler","link":"https:\/\/www.gocmeniz.biz\/?cat=5"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":344,"url":"https:\/\/www.gocmeniz.biz\/?p=344","url_meta":{"origin":38,"position":2},"title":"MSN’de Yeni Tehlike","author":"Haberci","date":"21 Nisan 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"MSN \u00fczerinden gelen bir mesaj, sizi biraz merakland\u0131rabilir. Ne olursa olsun asla bu mesajlara kanmay\u0131n ve MSN'den gelen her link i\u00e7in 2 kez d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcn.T\u00fcrkiye'nin en \u00e7ok kullan\u0131lan an\u0131nda mesajla\u015fma yaz\u0131l\u0131m\u0131 MSN, en b\u00fcy\u00fck tehlike arac\u0131 olmaya devam ediyor. Arkada\u015f listenizden gelen bir mesaj, sizin hacker'l\u0131k merak\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 kullanarak asl\u0131nda ki\u015fisel bilgilerinizin,\u2026","rel":"","context":""Haberler" i\u00e7inde","block_context":{"text":"Haberler","link":"https:\/\/www.gocmeniz.biz\/?cat=5"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/shiftdelete.net\/site\/images\/stories\/2006\/14\/msn_tehlike.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1564,"url":"https:\/\/www.gocmeniz.biz\/?p=1564","url_meta":{"origin":38,"position":3},"title":"GEN\u00c7 BAYANLAR F\u0130LEDE BULGAR\u0130STAN`I 3-1 YEND\u0130","author":"Haberci","date":"18 Temmuz 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"15. D\u00fcnya Gen\u00e7 Bayanlar Voleybol \u015eampiyonas\u0131 finalleri, Meksika`da ba\u015flad\u0131. \u015eampiyonada (D) Grubu`nda yer alan T\u00fcrkiye, ilk ma\u00e7\u0131nda Bulgaristan`\u0131 3-1 yendi.Meksika`n\u0131n Tijuana ve Mexicali kentlerinde d\u00fczenlenen, 4`erli 4 grupta toplam 16 tak\u0131m\u0131m\u0131n kat\u0131l\u0131m\u0131yla d\u00fczenlenen \u015fampiyona, 11 g\u00fcn s\u00fcrecek. Meksika`ya geli\u015finde bu \u00fclke makamlar\u0131 taraf\u0131ndan 2 kez havaalanlar\u0131nda al\u0131konulan ve t\u00fcrl\u00fc zorluklar\u2026","rel":"","context":""Haberler" i\u00e7inde","block_context":{"text":"Haberler","link":"https:\/\/www.gocmeniz.biz\/?cat=5"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":32,"url":"https:\/\/www.gocmeniz.biz\/?p=32","url_meta":{"origin":38,"position":4},"title":"Annem","author":"Admin","date":"18 Mart 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Sonbahar\u0131n bu \u0131ss\u0131z ve yaln\u0131z g\u00fcn\u00fcnde akl\u0131ma ilk sen geldin yine. S\u00f6yleyemediklerimi yaz\u0131p\u00a0 rahatlar\u0131m diye kalemi elime ald\u0131m ve ba\u015flad\u0131m i\u015fte\u2026 Y\u0131llar ge\u00e7ti ben hala s\u00f6yleyemedi\u011fim, belki de s\u00f6ylemedi\u011fim o kelimeyi, anlam\u0131n\u0131 yeni yeni kavrasam da unutam\u0131yorum bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc : \u201cSeni Seviyorum.\u201d . Ben bu kelimeyi sana asla s\u00f6ylemedim.Dedim ya\u2026","rel":"","context":""MELEK" i\u00e7inde","block_context":{"text":"MELEK","link":"https:\/\/www.gocmeniz.biz\/?cat=16"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1258,"url":"https:\/\/www.gocmeniz.biz\/?p=1258","url_meta":{"origin":38,"position":5},"title":"Naim S\u00fclaymano\u011fu iddialar\u0131 cevaplad\u0131","author":"Haberci","date":"26 May\u0131s 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Aniden hastaneye kald\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131. `Kronik alkolik` denildi, `diyabet y\u00fcz\u00fcnden` yorumu yap\u0131ld\u0131, `Kollar\u0131 d\u00fcnyalar\u0131 kald\u0131rd\u0131 ama b\u00fcnyesi alkol\u00fc kald\u0131ramad\u0131,` ba\u015fl\u0131klar\u0131 at\u0131ld\u0131. `Cep Herk\u00fcl\u00fc` ilk kez konu\u015ftu. `Ben sporu b\u0131rakm\u0131\u015f\u0131m, 42 ya\u015f\u0131mday\u0131m. \u0130stedi\u011fim kadar i\u00e7ebilirim, kime ne? D\u00fcnyan\u0131n her yerinde sayg\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcyoruz ama T\u00fcrkiye`de resmen ayaklar alt\u0131na al\u0131n\u0131yoruz. Benim rahats\u0131z oldu\u011fum \u015fey bu!`\u2026","rel":"","context":""Haberler" i\u00e7inde","block_context":{"text":"Haberler","link":"https:\/\/www.gocmeniz.biz\/?cat=5"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gocmeniz.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gocmeniz.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gocmeniz.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gocmeniz.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/11"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gocmeniz.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=38"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.gocmeniz.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gocmeniz.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=38"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gocmeniz.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=38"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gocmeniz.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=38"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}